I Present Myself, Exhibit A… choose Joy (as much as you can)

I have concluded that the quality of my life - my meter or gage for my level of happiness, joy, sadness or despair - depends on what I choose to focus on and the environment I put myself or allow myself to be in. Sometimes I can do it on my own. But we were … Continue reading I Present Myself, Exhibit A… choose Joy (as much as you can)

You Are Not Alone

Know that you are not alone. There are people and resources out there to help.  Visit our new website for more information okfl.org ​If you feel isolated, alone, or withdrawn, the hardest thing to do is to reach out to someone for help or just to chat. It goes against everything you are feeling at … Continue reading You Are Not Alone

Suicide Letter, Now What?

So I made the decision of LIFE two weeks ago. (My original suicide letter can be found by clicking here, or by going to the main page.) I've documented what I've been up to. Suicide or self harm is never the answer. I keep telling myself this despite my feelings. Because, the truth of the … Continue reading Suicide Letter, Now What?

So… My Therapist Says I’m a Woman of Extremes

Yeah... ... you got that right. I refuse to re-read or edit my entries because i want this to be as authentic a diary as possible. and because i have an issue with perfectionism... whether or not my reasoning is sound... it is what it is and it is what i'm doing so, oh well … Continue reading So… My Therapist Says I’m a Woman of Extremes

What? Is this happiness? Is that a smile I see?

So my previous entries have broadcasted my self talk to the world. My voice of reason vs my irrational side... I'm pretty sure there's a side that's just like shut the heck up! I just want to not think 😅 and have my airhead moment in ☮️ peace ✌️ But today, I think reason won … Continue reading What? Is this happiness? Is that a smile I see?

Where Are You, Christmas?

https://youtu.be/emXbfEzXn6A Yesterday, to be honest, I didn't anticipate today being all that great. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness. Thank you for taking care of me and always being there for me. You promised not to give me more than I can bear. I'm not sure if I should be honored, afraid, sad, or annoyed that you think I can bear so much. But You … Continue reading Where Are You, Christmas?

Reminder to self RE Parenting…

When my kids are older and mad at me, going to therapy for late 2018... for being exasperatingly sad, mad, or just plain annoying and seemingly unloving, ... when i'm tempted to feel guilty... Remember,... Shanique, you're doing great... They much rather this temporary period of discomfort, difficulty, (and mild trauma from your absence unless … Continue reading Reminder to self RE Parenting…

Dearest Redeemer…

Time: after breakfast, 12/16/2018... (Written during hospitalization from fear of self harm) Baruch Hashem YAHWEH   ...My King.   ...My Alpha and Omega Redeeming Savior ADONAI ... To YOU alone be the praise, honor, & glory. YOU alone are My mind, body, heart, and soul's Protector. Of course there is none like YOU. ... because … Continue reading Dearest Redeemer…

🙂 No, Thank You 😘

No. Thank you😘. I don't want your advice🙂. Though, 🙃Much appreciated. And no, you don't understand. And that's okay❣️ Yes I love you. How do I say I don't want to talk to you? How do I say I just want you to be there. And sit. In silence; 😶 ... and if you can't … Continue reading 🙂 No, Thank You 😘

Hi! (: How are You, really?

It was early 2005 when I immigrated to the States. I resided in the bustling County of Miami-Dade, South Florida; more specifically, the city of Hialeah. For those of you unfamiliar with the area, Hialeah is a place of vibrance. busy. beautiful. and basically 95% Spanish or Latino in my opinion from the looks of … Continue reading Hi! (: How are You, really?

Voice – Silent No More

(Written 12/15/2018 while inside the Hospital, Baker Acted for fear of self-harm) I'm putting my diary out there for the world to see. To serve as a voice in the void of silence. For those also trapped and unheard. This voice will not be consistent. Some days, I can guarantee will be sad. But there … Continue reading Voice – Silent No More

Good morning tomorrow, and welcome to today :-)

Beaten, molested, and abused, I was raised with fear as a close unwanted companion. I, however, refused to let his partner in misery, sadness, in my party. Thank god for tomorrow! I saw hope in the fact that that state of being in those moments won't always be; and that tomorrow will be a brighter day.

Now, I do not have to live in fear. And I am free to be happy - fully happy, without reservations, - today.