I Present Myself, Exhibit A… choose Joy (as much as you can)

I have concluded that the quality of my life - my meter or gage for my level of happiness, joy, sadness or despair - depends on what I choose to focus on and the environment I put myself or allow myself to be in. Sometimes I can do it on my own. But we were … Continue reading I Present Myself, Exhibit A… choose Joy (as much as you can)

Smile at… NO, Serve Fear a Right Hook, Jab, Uppercut, Kick

I have an extremely complicated relationship with fear. On one hand, I understand that Fear is sometimes a normal response in certain situations. I understand the purpose of fear, one of which is to protect me from danger. In that sense, and when considering that side of fear, I respect and appreciate it. It's kept … Continue reading Smile at… NO, Serve Fear a Right Hook, Jab, Uppercut, Kick

You Are Not Alone

Know that you are not alone. There are people and resources out there to help.  Visit our new website for more information okfl.org ​If you feel isolated, alone, or withdrawn, the hardest thing to do is to reach out to someone for help or just to chat. It goes against everything you are feeling at … Continue reading You Are Not Alone

1 Month Since I Chose LIFE; To My Life Support, Thank you

On December 13th 2018, someone posted this on fb, it appeared on my feed - touched my heart... among the multiple match flick attempts to spark hope back into my life https://youtu.be/kMSDD619o7o .... then, https://youtu.be/CZAz4NCUPck But then, ... information on Robin and an email from fisp a couple days prior... https://youtu.be/Fm0isCG1aBM I have no idea … Continue reading 1 Month Since I Chose LIFE; To My Life Support, Thank you

Ellie the Elephant – My Fear, and Shame (Part 1)

There's No Health Without Mental Health. Care for your mind. Care for You. dmcmom Less than a month ago, I had a strong desire & a plan to end my life. A glimmer of hope and spec of energy to fight, however, (among other reasons I may or may not explore) inhibited me from doing … Continue reading Ellie the Elephant – My Fear, and Shame (Part 1)

Source of Happiness

Today I had the pleasure of seeing an old friend of mine. She looked very bright and happy. The knowledge of her happiness, filled my heart with joy. I don't require much to be happy at my core. However, though simple, it's surprisingly rare and fleeting in today's society. But what does make me happy? … Continue reading Source of Happiness

Ascension from my familiar ‘safe’ spaces

Lately, my dear friend, Roovie, has been encouraging me to stop and reflect, vs doing. As some might have figured out, I'm a doer; passionate; eager. . . Yesterday, I reopened a wound I have been healing from. I know I shouldn't have, but I did. I tried to get someone who rejected me to … Continue reading Ascension from my familiar ‘safe’ spaces

Suicide Letter, Now What?

So I made the decision of LIFE two weeks ago. (My original suicide letter can be found by clicking here, or by going to the main page.) I've documented what I've been up to. Suicide or self harm is never the answer. I keep telling myself this despite my feelings. Because, the truth of the … Continue reading Suicide Letter, Now What?

So… My Therapist Says I’m a Woman of Extremes

Yeah... ... you got that right. I refuse to re-read or edit my entries because i want this to be as authentic a diary as possible. and because i have an issue with perfectionism... whether or not my reasoning is sound... it is what it is and it is what i'm doing so, oh well … Continue reading So… My Therapist Says I’m a Woman of Extremes

What? Is this happiness? Is that a smile I see?

So my previous entries have broadcasted my self talk to the world. My voice of reason vs my irrational side... I'm pretty sure there's a side that's just like shut the heck up! I just want to not think 😅 and have my airhead moment in ☮️ peace ✌️ But today, I think reason won … Continue reading What? Is this happiness? Is that a smile I see?