1 Month Since I Chose LIFE; To My Life Support, Thank you

On December 13th 2018, someone posted this on fb, it appeared on my feed – touched my heart… among the multiple match flick attempts to spark hope back into my life

…. then,

But then, … information on Robin and an email from fisp a couple days prior…

I have no idea who started this group and I am rarely on fb

On December 14th, I would receive two phone calls from friends who I rarely talk to… calling to check up on me… Roovie and Acheline (Thank you Ladies)

On Dec 14th, my 9 yr old daughter would come to me and start reciting bible verses of hope…

I then began to question if I’m making the right decision…

I was still compelled to go through with it… but that spark of hope, that maybe it won’t be like this forever, started to catch flame.

I was exposed to Tony Evans sermons on trusting God in the midst of the storm and bringing my emptiness to Him… looking outside of myself and focus on Him…

I started reasoning, fighting back and forth,

I am too broken, I am too damaged, I hurt too bad, it’s become a physical pain, neurologically and biologically the pathways are too deeply entrenched, the program and virus cannot be fixed, psychologically, emotionally, socially, economically, … too much… Statistically this is the end game. this is my purpose… there’s no way out.

It was only a matter of time… this is it.

My Chronic Depression’s argument

Every rebuttal from reason or other emotions were shot down with a rifle of darkness. The pain was too deep…

Then, Reason acknowledged that she could not trust Ellie… She had taken control, and was trampling reason and any will to live…

Until Reason remembered…

Depression is fueled by isolation and shame… My mind needs love. I need hope

Reason, in my darkest hour

I then posted my suicide letter on here and shared by email to everyone the letter was intended to go to originally…

I’m happy to be alive today… I am grateful for the support. Thank you to all my readers… Thank you to all my family. Thank you to all my TRUE Friends

I love you… and am learning to love me

;

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