Ellie the Elephant – My Fear, and Shame (Part 1)

There’s No Health Without Mental Health. Care for your mind. Care for You. dmcmom

Less than a month ago, I had a strong desire & a plan to end my life. A glimmer of hope and spec of energy to fight, however, (among other reasons I may or may not explore) inhibited me from doing so.

It was a war, mostly fought on the battlegrounds of my mind. The “villain”? – that enormous pesky elephant in the conference room. She had been ignored and ostracized by the panel – i.e. other members of the high counsel that is my mind. That elephant was pain, heartbreak, fear, and shame, let’s call her Ellie… She had been thrusted in the corner by her “superior,” younger, yet remarkably bossy and powerful little sister, Reason. Reason always reigned – militant with a stiff upper lip.

Extraordinarily calculated, resolute, and stoic, Madame Reason was absolute best friends with Poise and Hope. Together, the triune panel – was a seemingly indomitable force. Together, they reigned with tyranny and military discipline. No thought nor speech was permitted through my lips nor body language without their review and stamp of approval… Until Ellie had grown too massive to restrain or intimidate… (to be continued)

3 thoughts on “Ellie the Elephant – My Fear, and Shame (Part 1)

  1. Dear Dmcmom, I thank God you are alive. I know the valleys are low; I know they are hard. I’ve learned that my life’s battle with depression is due to trauma in childhood, the trauma of growing up without love, in a fake world where everything looked good on the outside, but was horribly dark in the inside. I pray you healing and hope and freedom from depression in Jesus’ name. It’s a long, hard, exhausting battle; isn’t it? You can type in tag words like “narcissism,” “childhood,” “suffering,” and more over at angelaslittleattic.com. I hope to help you find the silver lining through your pain. For me, helping others has been very healing and motivating. I see you are doing the same. Your life has purpose. You even encouraged me by following my blog! You can also join my ministry page on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/angelaslittleattic. How brave of you for speaking out publicly on your battle with suicidal thoughts and tendencies. My first suicidal thought came at 15. I wrote a poem then, and it ended with my hope being in God Only. I’ve thought of publishing it, to let others know they can make it through this battle of life; that through the pain, good things lie ahead, The Silver Lining on the horizon! You’ve reminded me how important it is to publish that poem, to let others know I’ve battled hard and that with Christ, they can too. I thank God for you! You have a special purpose! You’re a child of God! I believe you will give hope in Jesus to many as you continue to write. Renounce the fear and shame and guilt and anxiety and anger in Jesus’ name. Send Ellie the elephant back to the jungle where she belongs! She has no authority over you! Blessings, joy, and freedom in Christ are prayed for you today! 💙🙏🏼✝️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my! Thank you so so much! 🙌 I definitely will be following on fb find us on there at fb.me/OkayToNotBeOK.

      Reading your comment has been so encouraging for me. . . I truly do mean it every kind word deed or encouraging act is like life support for me. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you so much for the encouragement. Thank you for taking back what the enemy tried to steal. The Lord I pray will continue to show Himself to others through you for His Glory. 🙏🏼😍


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s