I hope you are doing phenomenal.
I’ve already said all I want and need to say but feel it deserves to be published.
The most important take away of my piles of gibber gabber.
I wouldn’t be experiencing my faith with as much depth of understanding had it not been for you. God put you in my life for a reason and me in yours.
I don’t hold anything against you. I was required to allow myself to feel. To experience anger. Acknowledge and allow the pain. To hurt. In order to heal. I know you understand that.
You’ll always be the best friend I’ve ever had. Even if I’m not yours.
Above all else, konw and accept that if I don’t condemn you, you are not allowed to condemn yourself. You are not allowed to feel guilt, anger, or shame for anything at all in regards to me or how things played out. Think of me as like Mary Poppins lol, my time had come.
We are both princesses. If one wrongs another, the offense is not to the wronged only but to her father the King. But if the wronged princess goes to her father and says “Papa, I have forgiven her. I love her she is my friend”, then that extension of forgiveness or pardon must be granted from the King as well. I hope you can forgive me also, and pray for me to Hashem with intercessions of love and forgiveness.
I understand Chesed, the Lord’s loving kindness, hugely in part because of you. He was always able to use me to show this to others, but now I am able to accept it. I can see.
Now I fully understand it. And now I know that I am Worthy, no matter what my mind, pathways, emotions, or diagnosis might say. I am forgiven because He says I am. I am Worthy and never unlovable because that is His decree.
You may not ever see this. But thank you.