Where Are You, Christmas?

Yesterday, to be honest, I didn’t anticipate today being all that great.

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness. Thank you for taking care of me and always being there for me. You promised not to give me more than I can bear. I’m not sure if I should be honored, afraid, sad, or annoyed that you think I can bear so much.

But You know best.

I’m not fully sure what your plans are for me. And thank You that I don’t have to be sure or have a clue. #pokayokefaith

You promised that when sin abounds, grace abounds more. Now, the sins of others against me was too much for me, too overwhelmingly painful. Or so I thought. I thank You for your Grace. Thank you for taking care of your daughter. Dearest Papa, thank You for putting these amazing group of women in my life at the absolutely perfect time. #DontDoLifeAlone #WeDoLifeTogether #ddJ

Thank you for Roovie, an incredibly smart, strong, kind, and beautiful woman both inside and out. Roovie, who knew when you created your blog, Wonders of a Woman, dear God would use it and you as a part of His plan to save my life 🙂

Thank You Lord for The ddJ group of ladies, who breathed your words of life & love into my lungs when I had given up all hope. I was trapped in a cage of darkness; drowning in sadness and depression. Ladies, thank you for your phone calls, your encouraging words, videos and scripture messages. Thank you for your hugs, your shoulders, your prayers… for presenting yourselves, your talents, time and hearts for the Lord’s glory;

Neicy, thank you for scraping me off the bathroom floor, and transporting me to Tree of Life. Sonja, Nikki, Tenisha, thank you for your phone calls and text messages. Thank you for going to the gym with me. Thank you for visiting me in the psychiatric hospital. for showering me with gifts while in there. and for being here for me after I was released.

I didn’t expect this Christmas to be so amazing. I didn’t expect to feel so complete. Thank you to our friends and loved ones who sent all those gifts for the kids, they’re having the best Christmas ever. They’re bonding with daddy Josh and grandma. Our meals are prepared (kind of)… and we are so so thankful 🙂

For breakfast we had lefover soup. for lunch we will have burgers and hotdogs. dinner, i’m not sure but I know we’ll be fine.

i am less afraid and caged by my past experiences, anxiety, or shame. and a little bit closer to complete freedom.

yes Lord, this is the best Christmas ever 🙂

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