So I Drank WAAAYYY Too Much Red Bull!!… (like, an entire can)

… and I'm lovin' it so much getting done (: energizer bunny on Adderall ... Gotta release this effervescence kickboxing again... la musique ... ポカヨケ libre gotta take a break and crush that because i'm kruuushing IT … you can try ... as hard as you can … with all your might but you can't catch … Continue reading So I Drank WAAAYYY Too Much Red Bull!!… (like, an entire can)

Suicide Letter, Now What?

So I made the decision of LIFE two weeks ago. (My original suicide letter can be found by clicking here, or by going to the main page.) I've documented what I've been up to. Suicide or self harm is never the answer. I keep telling myself this despite my feelings. Because, the truth of the … Continue reading Suicide Letter, Now What?

🙃Tried the massage chair for the first time at my gym… 😬New addiction 😅?

So, I've had this gym membership for a little over three years I think. And of those three years, i.e. 36 months, I've only been to the gymnasium regularly about 5 of those months, or 13.89%. Last being in August of this year... And by regularly, I mean at least 3 times per week at … Continue reading 🙃Tried the massage chair for the first time at my gym… 😬New addiction 😅?

So… My Therapist Says I’m a Woman of Extremes

Yeah... ... you got that right. I refuse to re-read or edit my entries because i want this to be as authentic a diary as possible. and because i have an issue with perfectionism... whether or not my reasoning is sound... it is what it is and it is what i'm doing so, oh well … Continue reading So… My Therapist Says I’m a Woman of Extremes

What? Is this happiness? Is that a smile I see?

So my previous entries have broadcasted my self talk to the world. My voice of reason vs my irrational side... I'm pretty sure there's a side that's just like shut the heck up! I just want to not think 😅 and have my airhead moment in ☮️ peace ✌️ But today, I think reason won … Continue reading What? Is this happiness? Is that a smile I see?

Where Are You, Christmas? Yesterday, to be honest, I didn't anticipate today being all that great. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness. Thank you for taking care of me and always being there for me. You promised not to give me more than I can bear. I'm not sure if I should be honored, afraid, sad, or annoyed that you think I can bear so much. But You … Continue reading Where Are You, Christmas?

#ChristmasEve, a very unmerry?

Click Here to share where your Commitment to Mental Health Awareness stands for 2019 I met the most creative and sweet lady a week and a half ago while in the hospital. I don't remember her name, let's call her Cara for now. but she was very bright. she loved to read and solve jigsaw … Continue reading #ChristmasEve, a very unmerry?

Reminder to self RE Parenting…

When my kids are older and mad at me, going to therapy for late 2018... for being exasperatingly sad, mad, or just plain annoying and seemingly unloving, ... when i'm tempted to feel guilty... Remember,... Shanique, you're doing great... They much rather this temporary period of discomfort, difficulty, (and mild trauma from your absence unless … Continue reading Reminder to self RE Parenting…

Dearest Redeemer…

Time: after breakfast, 12/16/2018... (Written during hospitalization from fear of self harm) Baruch Hashem YAHWEH   ...My King.   ...My Alpha and Omega Redeeming Savior ADONAI ... To YOU alone be the praise, honor, & glory. YOU alone are My mind, body, heart, and soul's Protector. Of course there is none like YOU. ... because … Continue reading Dearest Redeemer…

🙂 No, Thank You 😘

No. Thank you😘. I don't want your advice🙂. Though, 🙃Much appreciated. And no, you don't understand. And that's okay❣️ Yes I love you. How do I say I don't want to talk to you? How do I say I just want you to be there. And sit. In silence; 😶 ... and if you can't … Continue reading 🙂 No, Thank You 😘

Hi! (: How are You, really?

It was early 2005 when I immigrated to the States. I resided in the bustling County of Miami-Dade, South Florida; more specifically, the city of Hialeah. For those of you unfamiliar with the area, Hialeah is a place of vibrance. busy. beautiful. and basically 95% Spanish or Latino in my opinion from the looks of … Continue reading Hi! (: How are You, really?