… and I'm lovin' it so much getting done (: energizer bunny on Adderall ... Gotta release this effervescence kickboxing again... la musique ... ポカヨケ libre gotta take a break and crush that because i'm kruuushing IT … you can try ... as hard as you can … with all your might but you can't catch … Continue reading So I Drank WAAAYYY Too Much Red Bull!!… (like, an entire can)
So I made the decision of LIFE two weeks ago. (My original suicide letter can be found by clicking here, or by going to the main page.) I've documented what I've been up to. Suicide or self harm is never the answer. I keep telling myself this despite my feelings. Because, the truth of the … Continue reading Suicide Letter, Now What?
I'm not trying to take the high ground. Lol, I don't think I'm capable right now... I'm not trying to criticize you. Know that I'm sincere, and know that I care for you... Deeply. But you're a coward. Unfortunately, ...an extremely comfortable coward So the catalyst for change needs to be intrinsic... But you're blind. … Continue reading
So, I've had this gym membership for a little over three years I think. And of those three years, i.e. 36 months, I've only been to the gymnasium regularly about 5 of those months, or 13.89%. Last being in August of this year... And by regularly, I mean at least 3 times per week at … Continue reading 🙃Tried the massage chair for the first time at my gym… 😬New addiction 😅?
Yeah... ... you got that right. I refuse to re-read or edit my entries because i want this to be as authentic a diary as possible. and because i have an issue with perfectionism... whether or not my reasoning is sound... it is what it is and it is what i'm doing so, oh well … Continue reading So… My Therapist Says I’m a Woman of Extremes
So my previous entries have broadcasted my self talk to the world. My voice of reason vs my irrational side... I'm pretty sure there's a side that's just like shut the heck up! I just want to not think 😅 and have my airhead moment in ☮️ peace ✌️ But today, I think reason won … Continue reading What? Is this happiness? Is that a smile I see?
It's okay to not be okay ... and it's okay to feel it's okay to be true ... to you it's okay to love ... to be happy... to experience hope joy, motivation exhillaration ecstasy it's also Okay to feel pain fear... terror sadness ... anger surprise... grief ... boredom... disgust remorse ... awe It's … Continue reading It’s Okay…
Recently, some of you may or may not have known that I've been going through a thing. a something. I have been and am learning a lot from this experience. One of which is the power of strength being made perfect in weakness. When I first won these first class tickets for a downward spiral … Continue reading When I am weak
https://youtu.be/emXbfEzXn6A Yesterday, to be honest, I didn't anticipate today being all that great. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness. Thank you for taking care of me and always being there for me. You promised not to give me more than I can bear. I'm not sure if I should be honored, afraid, sad, or annoyed that you think I can bear so much. But You … Continue reading Where Are You, Christmas?
Click Here to share where your Commitment to Mental Health Awareness stands for 2019 I met the most creative and sweet lady a week and a half ago while in the hospital. I don't remember her name, let's call her Cara for now. but she was very bright. she loved to read and solve jigsaw … Continue reading #ChristmasEve, a very unmerry?
When my kids are older and mad at me, going to therapy for late 2018... for being exasperatingly sad, mad, or just plain annoying and seemingly unloving, ... when i'm tempted to feel guilty... Remember,... Shanique, you're doing great... They much rather this temporary period of discomfort, difficulty, (and mild trauma from your absence unless … Continue reading Reminder to self RE Parenting…
Time: after breakfast, 12/16/2018... (Written during hospitalization from fear of self harm) Baruch Hashem YAHWEH ...My King. ...My Alpha and Omega Redeeming Savior ADONAI ... To YOU alone be the praise, honor, & glory. YOU alone are My mind, body, heart, and soul's Protector. Of course there is none like YOU. ... because … Continue reading Dearest Redeemer…
No. Thank you😘. I don't want your advice🙂. Though, 🙃Much appreciated. And no, you don't understand. And that's okay❣️ Yes I love you. How do I say I don't want to talk to you? How do I say I just want you to be there. And sit. In silence; 😶 ... and if you can't … Continue reading 🙂 No, Thank You 😘
This is extremely hard ... For me I've never been safe. I've never not needed to be strong. The more I try to be strong the weaker I get. My bootstraps are worn. And ripped. Too short. My fingers blister. nails chipped. You betrayed me. and you hurt me. I love(d) you... tense undecided... I … Continue reading 💔
It was early 2005 when I immigrated to the States. I resided in the bustling County of Miami-Dade, South Florida; more specifically, the city of Hialeah. For those of you unfamiliar with the area, Hialeah is a place of vibrance. busy. beautiful. and basically 95% Spanish or Latino in my opinion from the looks of … Continue reading Hi! (: How are You, really?